dreams of pink carnations

Since writing this I learned that Mother's Day was not the creation of the evil geniuses at Hallmark. It was created by Anna Jarvis of West Virginia in 1907. She started the tradition of wearing carnations: pink if your mother is alive; white is your mother is deceased.

originally posted on May 11, 2003

sometimes a lie is the best thing

This is a simple truth: the only way onto this planet (sans spacecraft) is via a mother. Sure, modern science has blurred a few lines about who exactly a mother is, although surrogacy has been around since biblical times. But even with test tubes and Petri dishes, it all boils down to the same thing. The largest cell joins the smallest cell, and creation takes place.

So a mother could be considered a vessel, a ship. A storage space that leads you to a passageway – a point of entrance into this world. Thus a connection/bond like no other is formed. We lived inside of this being. We were literally nurtured by her body. Fed by what she took in, good or bad. Her body offered shelter and protection. And then when certain conditions came together, we emerged, and were literally cut from that which created us. And that is why we cry.

No matter what happened after that, we still share that connection. We will have it with no one else. It is a one-time deal. No one comes into this world alone. There will only ever be one person who got us here. Like it or not, those are the facts.

Today I read an entry about the kinds of mothers that there are. The author mentioned mothers no longer with us, those with children who are no longer of this earth, mothers who no longer have custody of their children (because of court orders, adoption, or otherwise), and mothers who are estranged from their offspring, or at least in complicated relationships. I would like to add to that list mothers who felt that the best decision for them both was to not take things to term. They are all mothers, and should be honored on this day.

Today being that day brought to us by Hallmark, and sponsored by 1-800-flowers.com, South Western Bell, and Avon, I, of course, thought about my own mother. Mother’s Day 1999 was the last time I sent her a card. Had I known then that it would be the last, I’m still not sure what I would have said. I know on some deep level that she loved me, and that she knew I loved her. That my leaving was the best thing for me, and in some ways her, too. That she never wanted me to take on the role of mother to her, and yet it happened….

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5 Responses to dreams of pink carnations

  1. Katiebell says:

    parents….as I get older, I realize more and more how much my parents tried to be good parents….and despite this, they rather failed…..One reason I have avoided being a Mother…..and despite this because I am in the age group of most Moms, I got to be wished multiple times a happy moms day yesterday….I think people think I should rush out now and makeababy!!!

  2. chris says:

    I do tend to agree that all parents do the best that they can. Some best is just really terrible. And some are just not capable because of mental illness and the like.In many ways your profession has mothering tendencies in it. Tending to the sick is seen as mother's work. So I am not surprised people wished you a happy mother's day.For the last several years I have been sending postcards of my photography to the mothers I know. It started with about 3 and has grown to about 70. Most are mothers in the traditional sense. Some have adopted children. Some are step-parents. And a couple don't have children of their own, but provide childcare full time. There are many ways to define mother.

  3. KeyLimeTwist says:

    very touching and thought provoking.I believe most parents do the best they can with the resources they have. I know for a long time my sister thought our mother was a terrible parent, but she needed more attention than the rest of us and she didnt really get it. But that was before all the books on personality types and love languages and the like..

  4. Tilly Mint says:

    Chris, I got my card today, thank you so much. I actually cried a little bit. It's so nice to think of someone aaaaallll the way over there actually thought to spend the time to do something like that.

    Thank you again.

  5. chris says:

    You are so very welcome!!! I am so impressed with the postal service. I mailed off the lot of them Saturday and reports are that they have arrived as far as The Philippines already. That's pretty amazing.Although I can't speak yet from personal experience I know that being a Mom is a hard and often thankless job. I think it is important to support other women who have taken on this role. Plus for about a week, I have nearly 70 people across the globe thinking about me. 😉

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