somewhere over the pacific

As far as we know, my in-laws (aka the outlaws) are on a plane that is heading towards LAX. The will arrive tomorrow afternoon. I do not feel at all ready, and it has little to do with the current state of the house.

I wish I could explain what it is like to be around them, aside from awful and nerve-wracking. I know it is not in my head. There have been times when they literally would refuse to eat with us. There were others when they would sit at the kitchen table and we would sit at the counter, with our backs towards them. I am not making this up.

I confess that I my not be an expert of family life, given that mine was really something out of AbFab (I am Saffy, if you are wondering). But I think I have read enough and watched enough television that I know how happy families behave. I have a general understanding of the types of things they do when they get together (again my family gatherings generally ended with most people drunk and nasty fight over something that happened ages ago). I also know that holidays are a big thing for families, although again, the thought spending a holiday with my family  would make me want to find somewhere else to be.

The really weird thing is that over all these years, they seem to plan their time in town so that they either arrive after a holiday, or leave before a holiday. Don’t get me wrong, in a way, I am grateful, I just find it very strange. The one Christmas we did spend together did not go very well. I came away with the opinion that really they do not like to spend time with anyone, and that they are very poor at communicating and managing expectations.

This trip, they will leave the day before Mother’s Day. In fact, thanks to the way the time difference work, they will leave LA before Mother’s Day and arrive at their destination the day after. There is a part of me that wishes I could make Mother’s Day disappear, especially this year. I feel like I am about to be hit by a double whammy. And I am really not sure how I will cope.

I joked today that the magic word was “vodka”, although there is no vodka in this house. And I know all to well that that is not the answer.

I know my friends mean well, and I do appreciate the good thoughts and that they are trying to help. Here are a few things that have been suggested I try to use to cope with the pregnancy loss and the outlaws’ visit:

  • Get a manicure.
  • Get a massage.
  • Go to church.
  • Get my OB to write a prescription for an anti-depressant.
  • Pray.
  • Take a class.
  • Practice Yoga.

Somehow I think this is just a bit more complicated than that. And not something that has a quick fix anyway. And so it remains that I don’t know what to do (aside from avoid and/or run).

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