I think we need a little fun, as it has been way too serious around here lately. I really couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.
First a bit of background. A couple of years ago, the outlaws replaced the toaster that finally stopped working. They picked up a $10 special at Kmart. It is a 2-slice model with a chrome finish. It is nothing fancy, but it gets the job done. There is a simple black lever to pull the toast down, and a little black unnumbered dial that allows you to adjust how brown you would like your toast. There is no bagel button or frozen waffle mode. It will toast your bread to sort of the color you request.
I have tried to care for it as best as I can, regularly opening the bottom and cleaning and out any crumbs. I also give it a spritz of counter cleaner every now and then to make it shine. We eat toast almost daily, so I try to keep it working, even though I really want one of those toasters where you can see the bread turn brown.
In their tenet to get the most bang for their buck, they have been toasting other things in the toaster aside from bread. Yesterday, as a snack, we had some pound cake with strawberries. It was cold from being in the fridge, so they decided to pop it in the toaster. The best part was when the cake was done, it didn’t pop up, so the two of them took their knives and started poking the cake inside the toaster to get it out. The toaster was still plugged in!
I sat there in disbelief, watching them take turns poking their knives into the plugged in toaster. All I could think was didn’t either of your mother’s ever smack you upside the head for doing something so dumb? I was so waiting for one of them to get zapped. I reminded them that the hospital is 25 minutes away, so that might be a long time to hold on for help.
Today they put these little round pastries that they brought for us from Manila. They definitely taste better warm, as the pastry contains some pork fat. The only thing is that they are a bit too wide to fit into the slots in the toaster. So as they popped up, pieces of them stuck inside the toaster.
After I finished, I went upstairs to lie down, and as I ascended the staircase, there was that distinct smell of burnt toast. Tonight I remembered to check the toaster before calling it a night. I opened the little latch at the bottom, and shook the toaster over the sink. It was full of large crumbs from the cake and the pastry. Keep in mind, it had just been cleaned a few days ago. If they don’t shock themselves, they will set the kitchen ablaze.