one visitor leaves another returns

It has been a tough week. Monday at the lab was my worst experience there to date. I really wasn’t sure I was going to make it out of there without passing out, but somehow I did. They had to try to get blood from both arms.

Then, later that afternoon, I started spotting. The women who answer the phones at my doctor’s office really do not like their jobs, and I do not think my doctor ever got my message. When I called on Tuesday to check on my lab results, I was told that they were not in yet, which is really code for the doctor hasn’t read them yet. And then when I called again yesterday, I was told that my doctor has left for the day, and wouldn’t be in until after 1:30pm on Thursday.

I am a very patient person, but I have been at this now for over 8 weeks, when the average time is about 4 weeks. I knew going in that it was unlikely my HCG levels would return to normal in a month because I started out higher than average – much higher (over 10,000). But in all this time I have complied. I have showed up at the lab, even though my anxiety levels soar. I haven’t had sex with my husband. I try not to call unless I feel something is wrong. And bleeding is usually a sign that something is up. Of course, I do vaguely recall reading something about the uterine lining not being able to be sustained once HCG goes below 100. But I promised myself I would stop using Dr. Google, because it mostly just freaks me out.

I understand that my doctor is a busy man, and that he probably has many cases more serious than mine. But the waiting just really makes things worse. I try to rationalize that if my tests came back showing that something was wrong, he would have his nurse call me right away. But he should know that despite this, the longer I wait, the more anxious I become.

Of course, some weeks, I haven’t had to call. They have called me as early as Tuesday morning. Sometimes though it has been as late as Thursday afternoon. If I believe the people at the lab, the results should show up in my doctor’s inbox sometime in the wee hours of Tuesday morning.

At any rate, I was able to confirm that this spotting is most likely my period returning, which I think is good news. This is what we want. It is the next step in moving forward. My HCG was at 88 as of Monday. I am hoping Monday’s blood test is my final one for a while.

This entry was posted in grief, married life, there is no category for these things and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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