just another day at the home depot

Honestly, I have no idea how they haven’t been kidnapped, chopped into pieces, and left in the desert somewhere. They have this tendency to go up to strange people and try and make friends with them. They are just very lucky is all I can say.

When they aren’t at Costco (using someone else’s membership card), you can usually find them at the Home Depot. They also seemed to have discovered Lowe’s this trip, and after going back and forth and returning several items, believe Lowe’s may have better prices, but that is neither here nor there.

We warned them that there has been some weird incidents at the local Home Depot stores. In fact, there was recently a man who walked into one and tried to saw off both his arms. That right there takes a special kind of talent, but I guess the good lord felt he needed more time to share it, as he was miraculously saved by an off-duty paramedic who usually shops at another location. Keep this is the back of your head as I continue.

They tell us that they met a rather strange man while they were out shopping. They really wanted an outdoor umbrella, although they realized it was going to be very expensive to ship back to Manila. At any rate, they helped this Chinese guy who was from Taiwan but spends more time in Hong Kong, decide on one of these outdoor umbrellas for his home here. He didn’t speak much English and he was carrying wads of cash in his pockets.

They went and found someone to help them, and the PM joked with the guy who worked at the Home Depot that he just made him a sale (and I guess he felt should get a commission). The guy at the Home Depot told them that the guy with the wads of cash in his pants was making him very nervous. But they didn’t seem to take the hint.

In fact, the strange man thought that they were also going to buy one of these umbrellas and offered to take it back to the house for them in his truck. This is what really scares me. That they will one day bring one of these weirdos to the house. They declined the offer, explaining that they still undecided about the umbrella.

Later while shopping, they overheard on the load speaker a request for the couple who spoke Chinese to come to the front. The announcement was made a few times. They didn’t think they meant them, but I guess they were getting ready to leave, and noticed the strange man again at the check out. Now he was buying a swing set.

The problem seemed to be that the swing set was not in stock, and they didn’t know when it would be delivered. Again they noticed the wads of cash in this guy’s pants. The Beast tried to get one of the employees to call the number they gave the strange guy to find out when the swing set would arrive, instead of just giving the phone number to a man who cannot speak much English. But Home Depot is not know for its high level of customer service. At least she didn’t offer to call for him.

They somehow figured out that this strange man lived in LaVerne, although they didn’t know where that was. They also knew that he bought his giant house for $800,000. The strange man felt this was a bargain. I don’t know about you, but how much I paid for my house is not usually something I share with random people I meet at the home improvement store.

They also learned that he was some sort of fertility specialist. It sounds like he helps women get pregnant in Hong Kong or Taiwan and then they give birth here. He gets paid lots of money to provide these services, but he is new in town and so doesn’t have a credit card.  They were having trouble putting all the pieces together, so I explained that he most likely he runs one of these birthing centers where women from Asia come to have their babies so that the child is granted American citizenship, and will have an easier time going to college in the US. I explained that the locals usually try to shut down these places because they don’t like the idea of them, although technically what they are doing isn’t illegal (just immoral and medically risky). They seemed to sort of understand.

I still don’t know why they were talking to this man, or how they learned so much about him. I am not sure if they were thinking about hiring him. They over-shared that they tried to get B’s sister to see a fertility specialist, although she has refused. They did get his card. I can just imagine the conversation:  “We met this great doctor at the Home Depot….”

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